Bacon: Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop—Don’t Have To.

Roasted Brussels Sprouts with Chicken Sausage & Bacon.

Please forgive me, for I know not how to cook—thus the burnt-ness. Recipe adapted from PaleOMG.com

I’ve already got this whole paleo thing figured out. Because today, I learned that on paleo, you can eat BACON.

(I also learned that my dog is 1. capable of getting up on my kitchen table, 2. devouring his weight in reese’s mini cups, and 3. projectile vomiting them all over my carpet).

While my natural instinct is to simply subside on bacon alone, I suspect that cavemen probably had to vary it up a little, otherwise our entire species would have gone extinct early on due to bacon-induced heart attacks. Props to you, cavemen, for resisting the most basic of urges to shovel your faces with that greasy, salty heaven!

(Side note: I should clarify that I’m not going full cavewoman with this diet. I plan on continuing to do lady things such as shaving my legs, washing my hair, and eating my night cheese. So consider this a paleo-ISH blog.)

Naturally, however, my first recipe had to include bacon, as I needed something to distract me from this whole idea of saying buh-bye to carbs (I wish I could quit you, sandwiches!) I was originally going to cook this yummy pesto, chicken sausage and brussels sprout recipe from Gimme Some Oven, but was crushed when I realized it included pasta.

Luckily, the smart girl over at PaleOMG had a similar idea—without the pasta, of course.

You might be asking yourself, “if Kate hates broccoli so much, why on earth would she like brussels sprouts?” This is a valid question. In fact, I DID hate brussels sprouts with a passion rivaling that other green, bulbous nemesis. My mother steamed them and attempted to make me eat them every Thanksgiving—a plan I routinely thwarted thanks to Digby, our family dog. And then, I moved down south. Here, I discovered that once you immerse brussels sprouts in garlic, butter and bacon, and fry every ounce of nutrition out of them, they turn into the glorious green equivalent of a french fry. And a love story was born.

Now obviously butter is not paleo. But bacon and garlic ARE, so I happily embarked on the following recipe. Unhappily, I quickly realized I have no idea how to cook. BUT, I managed to get it all cooked and in a bowl without burning my apartment down, so I consider that a success. First paleo recipe complete—try it for yourself below!

Roasted Brussels Sprouts with Chicken Sausage & Bacon (Adapted from PaleOMG.com)

Serves: 1 | Prep: 10 mins (or 60 if you’re ADD like me and also trying to stop your dog from vomiting up chocolate on your carpet) | Cook: 10 mins

Ingredients:

• 1 cup brussel sprouts, cut into fourths
• 1 Chicken Sausage, sliced (I used Brat Hans Sweet Apple)
• 1 piece of bacon (you’re supposed to cut it in half, but let’s be real here. I love bacon. I used the whole thing.)
• 1 garlic clove, minced
• 4 TBSP Tessamae’s Zesty Ranch (this felt like a bit much, next time I would use 2-3. You can find it at Whole Foods.)
• Salt and pepper, to taste

Instructions

1. Place a medium skillet over medium-high heat. When the pan is hot, add 2-3 TBSP of zesty ranch to pan along with minced garlic clove, then add in the brussels sprouts.
2. Salt & pepper the sprouts to taste and cook until just slightly burnt on both sides—I burned the garlic right away, so yeah. Watch out for that.
3. Add in a TBSP of water and cover the pan with a lid. Keep an eye on them (or be like me and don’t, then start swearing profusely when you realize they’re burning and take off the top too quickly and get shot in the eye with spitting oil).
4. While the sprouts finish cooking for another few minutes, add a small skillet over medium-high heat and throw your half (or full) piece of bacon on there.
5. Once the bacon fat begins to render, add the sliced chicken sausage. Then use your brain and cook till ready.
6. When brussels sprouts are soft enough to stick a fork through, remove from heat, add salt & pepper again if desired, place in a bowl and top with cooked bacon and sausage. Voila!

Optional: send snap chat of your finished meal to your BFF who has been patiently listening to you swear and whine while attempting to cook. Then, allow her to laugh hysterically at your burnt results.